I was just thinking to myself this morning how it had been a minute since Kaiden had done anything chronicle worthy. Of course, what you think comes to action. Thank you Laws of the Universe! However, we also know it is just a matter of time.
I finally decided that it would be appropriate for the kid to go to bed. At this point it must have been about 10. Listen…don’t judge. Ellen Tube really sucked me in tonight. I wasn’t even aware that it was bedtime. I walked down the stairs to start our nightly routine of swearing, teeth brushing-ish, bargaining, giving in, and finally going to bed. To be clear…I am the one doing the swearing and he is responsible for everything else. OF COURSE HE IS!
As I turn toward his bedroom, I catch the whiff of a smell that I knew was the the scent of danger. It smelled like an electrical fire. Interestingly enough, it is also the smell Thunder first brought in to the house when he got sprayed by a skunk. It is the running over a rubber band with the vacuum smell. You can taste it now, right?
Knowing Kaiden, something was amiss. I gave my dear boy a chance to fess up. He wove me a believable tale. He claimed he was playing with the hot glue gun again (refer to When You Are On a Roll…). Cool. I decide that I better retrieve the weapon of choice for tonight so that it doesn’t burn the house down while I sleep. I am not in the mood to jump out of my two story window in this freezing cold weather. I told him to bring me the hot glue gun.
He acts as if I have just busted him doing something innocent, yet dangerous. The theatrics were on point! He claims he put the glue gun away, back into the laundry room. He was only doing crafts in the bathroom. He has been downstairs thinking about getting ready for bed for about 5, maybe 10 minutes. I am not really sure how long it has been, because…Ellen Tube. I do know this: he did not have enough time to make crafts. I went searching for the hot glue gun and it is nowhere to be found.
I start sniffing around the house like a hound dog. I am hot on the trail and I am getting pissed. I just know that kid has it hiding somewhere in that hot mess of a bedroom. I check his usual hiding places. The closet? Nope. Behind the bed? Nope. The drawers, weird cubby closety space, swing? Nope. Nope. Nope. He goes so far as to go into the laundry room searching for the glue gun, swearing on his life that he just put it away but forgot where he put it. Seriously, he was looking around in there for about five minutes. HE KNOWS HE DIDN’T PUT IT THERE! Also, I think we had to remove it from the house after the last incident. I am growing highly suspicious that this tru-ish sounding story is actually a giant web of lies and guess what? He sucks at lying.
I put on my super angry face with a side of the “mom” look. I said a few more you better tell me the actual truth or I will knock your block off words. WHAT IS THAT SMELL! I DO NOT WANT THE HOUSE TO BURN DOWN…TELL ME NOW!! He cracks. Fine.
He proceeds to point to the bathroom counter where his sister’s flat iron sits. Oh great! What did you do? He points to the band-aids.
YOU MELTED A BAND-AID?
Yeah.
WHERE IS THIS SAID BAND-AID?
Don’t worry mom, I put cold water on it and threw it away in the garbage. (Obviously, I am going to do some fact checking because he cannot be trusted.)
Flat iron: melted something-also appears to be a fingerprint. I might need that later.
Band-aid box: Let’s be honest. I never know how many band-aids actually exist in my house. I can’t prove anything here.
Garbage can: Nope. Only a few paper towels. No melted band-aid. COOL!
Ummmmm..Kaiden where is the band-aid you claim you melted. It isn’t in the trash. He so lovingly replies not to worry, it is in his trash can. AWESOME! BRING IT TO ME!!
He presents me with the cloth remains of a fabric band-aid. I have no idea if this is the actual band-aid. He tries to prove it because the sticky is gone. I am going to have to take his word for it, but I am still a little skeptical. All I know is that sister is going to have to figure out how to remove the sticky off the flat iron she left out AND he is going to need to go to bed before I think of a consequence that might actually work.
