I despise bugs. I despise flying bugs. Today was not a great day for me and flying creatures.
I went golfing with Rob. It started out great. We were carefree and ready for a great day. It was my turn to tee off on our first hole. I was feeling confident. I got all lined up ready to swing and I felt something tickle my leg. I looked down. WASPS! Two of them. Dancing between my feet and poking around on my shin. Naturally I jump away (I know, don’t move, blah, blah, blah). They followed me. Around and around we went. I thought I finally had lost them and quietly tip toed back to tee off. I got lined up, ready to swing and BAM! Little suckers are back dancing on my leg. They followed me for two holes, taunting me. I finally shook them, only to run into a few more later. Obviously, they liked the smell of my sunscreen. Next time, I will risk the sunburn. I thought my story ended there. It didn’t.
Once home, I decided to relax in the pool. Sometimes wasps like to fly in there to get a drink. Sometimes they die. Sometimes I like to drown them. Once I held one under the water with the pool skimmer and that devil wasp refused to die. Totally unrelated to my story, but you can see how relentless these things can be. I am terrified.
The pool was lovely and uneventful. I got out to dry off and enjoy the sun. I was all wrapped up in my giant beach towel, minding my own business, and I felt a little tickle on my toe. You guessed it! WASP! Of course I freaked out again. I mean, really?
Gently, but probably not all that graceful, I got that little bugger to fly off my toe without stinging me. I threw my towel over my head and wrapped up my body as I ran into the house and slammed the door. I was sure I had escaped it, now safe in the comfort of my home. I unwrapped my towel and realized that it had followed me inside!
There was nothing I could do. I started flailing around, trying to find something to kill this devil thing with while I am also trying to keep an eye on it. I couldn’t find a killing item within easy reach. I glanced away for a second and BAM! It disappears.
Now, I am positive the thing didn’t magically get back outside. All the doors and windows were closed. I couldn’t see it. I couldn’t hear it. It had vanished. I ran upstairs to grab one of Rob’s hats as my swatting/killing weapon and tip toed slowly and mindfully down the stairs. It was here somewhere. I knew it!
I scanned the room. I looked around the windows. I listened closely. NOTHING! I fully expected that sucker to pop out from nowhere and beeline it straight at my face. After a few minutes of searching, I resigned myself to my fate. I was doomed.
Taylor wandered out of her bedroom and I casually mentioned there was a rogue wasp and to please let me know if she finds it. She ran back into her room, emerging with a hoodie, tied tightly around her face. I was getting ready to go upstairs to eat my cake and die in peace. All the sudden, I get this text from her:
About a half hour later, I got this message:
I decided to take control of the situation and went down the stairs, Rob hat in my hand, ready to kill this sucker. As I get to the bottom, Cassie informed me that she killed it in the laundry room where it was hiding by the light. The cat had found it and was being a weirdo about it until she noticed it. Taylor politely disagreed with her because there was a VERY MUCH ALIVE wasp in the living room window BEHIND THE CHAIR. I looked behind the chair, expecting for it to be gone because I only let one it. I was very, very wrong. There was indeed a wasp in the window. Cassie did in fact kill a different one. THERE WERE TWO INSIDE MY HOUSE! EEEK! They both got themselves smashed dead and I moved on with my day relishing in my victory. This joy would be short lived I am afraid.
A few short hours later, I was putting my landry away and I felt a tickle on my ear. Almost like a butterfly kiss. My ponytail hit my ear when I jumped. I was sort of hoping I was panicking for no reason and it was just my hair brushing against my ear. I calmed myself down just long enough to see something flutter out the corner of my eye. I died inside. It was a FREAKING MOTH! I giant moth.
I still had to put my laundry away. Rob was laughing at me a little bit because I am now obsessed with this murder moth. He chose this moment to walk out of our room to get something, not a worry in the world. I had learned from my wasp lesson not to take your eye off the enemy. Well, it decided to perch itself on the curtain rod, directly above my side of the bed. I am being hunted again. Cool.
It just sat there. The entire time I was putting laundry away. So how do you solve this problem? Right! Get something to spray it with. I will admit that I briefly thought about getting the vacuum hose and sucking it up, but then you just end up with a moth hanging out in the vacuum. Ultimately, it felt like a bad idea so I went with the spray it strategy. I got the Lysol spray. I gave that moth a good spray. It started flapping around. I thought for sure I got it. It fell to the side of Rob’s night stand. I crunched down to get eyes on it. I saw a small movement. Spray. More movement. Spray. We played this game until my room smelled like orange air death.
Rob finally decided to rejoin the party and asks me what the hell I was doing as he walking back into our room. I explained my battle situation. He told me he didn’t understand why I was freaking out because it was just a moth. I told him to handle it. So he grabbed it with his hand and got rid of it for me.
You can see how this was not one of my finest days. I am now paranoid. Maybe it might be time to order me a bee suit? That should protect me from all of these flying devil creatures, right?