He found a hose, still hooked up at the neighbors house. He unhooked it and dragged the entire hose over to our house, hooked it back up, and made himself a mud hole. Quietly he entered his own form of heaven .
AND THEN THIS HAPPENS…
Little man obviously needed a bath after being left to himself for awhile. Lucky for us, Uncle Troy is staying with us for the summer. Troy did the responsible uncle thing and put the kid in the tub…in my tub. Looking back, this was probably more about just letting the kid muck up the shower/tub that I use, but I would like to think that he somehow knew that something this disgusting, this EPIC, could go down in such a short amount of time.
You see, a few short days ago, my sweet little boy was busy playing with his cars by the table, which happens to be right behind the couch where Rob and Uncle Troy were laughing hysterically at a certain part of Horrible Bosses. The part of the movie they were watching will become painfully clear in a few short minutes.
I walked into my bedroom to check on my almost five year old in the tub. Someone should have known better than to leave that boy alone…Uncle Troy! My room felt weird, like something was off. My spidey senses were going crazy, but never would I imagine what I would be walking into.
At first, the situation seemed normal. I almost let my guard down, dismissing my intuition…and then I saw it. My toothbrush was sitting on the edge of my sink, almost as if I had left it there myself. Kaiden looks up at me from the tub…big, goofy grin. Innocently pretending that nothing was wrong. But something WAS wrong. Something was VERY, VERY wrong!
My toothbrush, laying so innocently on the sink, had a layer of something that at first glance looked like toothpaste. At second glance, I knew instantly that I was not seeing toothpaste. This little boy decided during his bath that he needed to poop. So, he jumped out to do his business.
Knowing how his brain works, I can only imagine what came next. His eyes wandered around the bathroom and his brain lights up as he sees my toothbrush just stupidly sitting next to the sink. He remembers how funny dad and Uncle Troy thought it was to have someone itching their behind with their bosses toothbrush. He thought…what the hey…why not? So instead of using toilet paper, he used my toothbrush. MY. TOOTHBRUSH!
He proceeds to set the toothbrush carefully back where he found it. I am convinced it is so he could avoid any questions about playing with it. He didn’t even flush the toilet! He just jumped back into the tub, not a care in the world.
As I realize the magnitude of the scene I just walked into, I start screaming hysterically. I gagged as I tried to decide what step to take next. Do I get the kid out of the tub or do I clean up the mess? I grabbed the toothbrush, chucked it into the trash can and screamed for good old Uncle Troy…the same Uncle Troy who thought he was being a good guy for putting his nephew into the tub after a long day of mud playing. What happened next is kind of a blur. Someone eventually got the kid out of the tub. I refused to go back in until the toilet was flushed and my toothbrush was bagged up and thrown in the outside trash.
Then we threw everyone into the car and went to Macey’s, where I bought a giant bag of brand new toothbrushes. I can never trust this kid again.