Kids suck. There. I said it. We have been on one heck of a roll this past week. Every single time this happens I think, well it can’t get too much worse than this. LIES! I don’t even know where to start. #kaidenchronicles
This kid….THIS KID WHO IS LUCKY TO STILL BE ALIVE… goes into the garage. He always gets into trouble when he is alone in the garage. Last week, he sees a cross bow on a high shelf and decides to give it a try. Dumb kid doesn’t cover his tracks, gets busted, packs his bags and decides he is going to run away. Turns out, running away is a lot of work. The details to that story are actually more entertaining, but let us fast forward to the events of today which have led us up to the FB shaming pictures.
While Rob and I were running through the events of the day, Rob notices an oddly shaped spot on the garage couch. I’m obviously not too worried about it because: garage couch. Rob begins an investigation. I walk away thinking it was normal wear and tear. I’m uninterested in this investigation. He determines that this lovely little boy of mine burnt the couch. WHAT! 🤦♀️ And so it begins.
It is time to interrogate the suspect. After the mom warning tone of “You better tell me what happened or I will kick your ass from here to China and you will never see the light of day again” tone, he told us the truth. Roasting Peanuts. He was trying to roast peanuts on the couch. WHY?!!!
Little stink pot found himself a fire utensil and thought “Hey, why not?” This is not even the worst of it.
We settle on a consequence. He cries. He gets mad. Blah blah blah, same old story. I leave for a bit and come home to another surprise. Little asshat finds the hot glue gun. You think you know where this is going. He decides to make a cover for the broken, glorified iPod phone. But… he is making this freaking masterpiece on the couch in the house. Glue everywhere.
Again he gets busted. Rob sets him to the task of copying sentences. You all remember how terrible this was as a kid. Well, it is still terrible. He got to write the three things to think about before making a choice. One of these days, they will stick. Today was not that day.
Kaiden was about 21 sentences in when I get back home. Cue waterworks. I’m not having it and sentence him to his room to go to bed. All is well and I walk outside to the garage.
Not even ten minutes later, I walk in and hear the shower. He refuses to get out and after many warnings, I unlock the door to pop my head in and tell him to get out. Then I see it. Black smears all over the light cover plate. On the door. On the sink. WHAT IN THE ACTUAL SWEAR WORD!!!
I ask him what happened. He claims not to know what I am talking about. He is just innocently taking a shower. MORE LIES! Then he caves, like he always does. He shows me his hands.
Completely black. Covered in ink. PEN INK. He got mad at having to write sentences and out of anger or frustration breaks the pen in half. We all know he probably rubbed his hands together.
Do you know what takes excessive amounts of ink off hands? Obviously not soap. Not rubbing alcohol. Not hairspray. So I asked google and discovered that pumice stone will take it off. Sure, he may lose some skin, but do the crime, do the time. After about 30 minutes of scrubbing at 11:00 at night the hands look trustworthy enough to go to bed. I will wait until the second scrubbing tomorrow to let him know I use that pumice stone to clean the mineral rings out of the toilets.
